Pardon Me, Mr. Nicholas, Any Liquids or Gels in Your Carry-on?
Speculation on what it would be like for Santa to go through airport security
 Airports at this time of year are packed with travelers – people trying to get home to their loved-ones for Christmas celebrations. This is naturally the year that Chris Kringle, AKA Santa’s private sleigh is in the shop and won’t be ready for December 24th. Yes even Santa has private sleigh troubles every now and again. As a result, he is one among the masses lined-up at security screening with a large red sack for carry-on luggage, eight reindeer, a number of elves and a fair-sized pile of economy class airline tickets.
Here in the Newark Airport, the first of at least 178 he’ll have to go through to get his job done tonight, he’s trying to gather his entourage together. Finally having made it to the front of the line, he hands his passport and several tickets to the security agent. The agent checks the tickets and hands the passport back to Santa.
“Any liquids or gels in your carry-on, Mr. Nicholas?”
“Ho, Ho, Ho,” Santa says in an embarrassed tone. “That’s just a lava lamp for little Suzy in Michigan – don’t tell her, it’s a surprise.”
The eyes of the other awaiting passengers are boring a hole into the back of Santa’s neck as he tries to make his sack of gifts fit into the security scanner opening.
 A technician makes out grayish x-ray relief shapes of teddy bears, dolls, train sets, and a lava lamp.
Meantime, Santa and the elves have stripped somewhat – removing belts and boots, and felt with bells, to ensure that they won’t set-off the metal detector. The reindeer have had their harnesses removed and the plastic trays are starting to back-up at the end of the security belt.
“O.K. you can come through now Mr. Nicholas.” An agent waves Santa through first, and he sails through. The elves however are not so easy.
“Bob, can you grab a chair?” one agent says to another. “These guys in the green suits are too short to wand.”
“O.K. Mr. Nicholas, I’m not going to search your bag today, but you know really normally we only allow two ounces of liquid.”
“Well thank you,” Santa’s says his eyes twinkling as he finishes buttoning up his fur trimmed jacket and fastening his belt.
“Grab that bag elves, we’ve only got 20 minutes to get to our plane. Come on Dasher and Dancer and Prancer, now where’s vixen?”
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